Birthdays
I have a birthday in a couple of weeks. I'll be 35.
I'm old.
I know age is just a number and all that, but it does a number on my head. On the one hand, I still have this image of what an "adult" is: an adult has a career, not a job, an adult is the boss not the lackey, an adult has a house and a car and is never broke and has a family. I don't have any of those things: I'm still in school so I haven't started my career, I don't have my own car, we rent an apartment, I'm a busser in a restaurant, I'm not even a manager or a supervisor, and I'm always broke. I don't necessarily want those things. Or I don't want them if it means working 9 to 5 with a suit and a tie in a cubicle doing menial clerical type work. Ick.
Still, even if I choose the road less traveled, what about my connection to the world? What about "When I grow up, I'm going to___"? I'm grown up now. I'm totally fucking grown up! Shouldn't I stop behaving like a crazed 25 year old and have some mastery over my life? Or something?!?
And maybe the worst part is that being 35 DOESN'T mean anything. There is no expectation. It doesn't matter how old I am, or what I do. It's all just relative. And maybe that is worse.
I don't know. My wife tells I'm obsessed with my age. Well, first, I have an obsessive personality, so yeah. Second, when she's 35 I think she'll look at things quite a bit differently.
I don't want to give the impression I'm depressed or having a mid life crisis. I'm happy to be older. I get better with age. I'm wiser, smarter, more experienced. It's great! It's just the shock of it. Thirty-five, not twenty-five or twenty-six or even thirty or thirty-three, but thirty-five. I just can't get my brain around it. I mean, I don't remember being thirty-three. What happened that year? Was that so long ago? Has it been a decade since Jagged Little Pill was released? Is it possible that a high school senior doesn't even remember Nirvana, or Nine Inch Nails or Jane's Addiction? They would have 6 when all that happened.
Think about that. If you're my age (and I know both of you are) then when you were 15 it was 1985 music that was 10 years old was from 1975. How much relevance did that music have on your life? How significant did it seem to you then? What about music from 1965? That was totally foreign to your life, wasn't it? Now,for the 15 year old today, 1995 if 1975 and 19854 is 1965 and if you're my age, and you can somewhat remember 1975, for today's youth 1975 is 1955!
Hard to imagine, isn't it?
Well, that's what getting old is like. Enjoy.
posted by C. Clark-Praxis @ 1:29 PM
5 Comments:
I'm 35 today, yay!
I've told you this before. Anything that was out before high school is "old". Anything that came out during high school or college is "current" and anything that came after you quit/graduated is "new". That's how it works.
Ozzy is old, REM is current, Paula Cole is new.
Oh, and anything within the last 5 years isn't on the radar yet. So White Stripes and LotR are both newer than new.
And don't forget what Mark Twain said about Kentucky: here it's always 10 years ago.
Of course I was speaking of LotR the films, not the books.
so anything from the 70's is old, the 80's and 90's are both current and anything post 1994 if current?
That's stupid.
I know you are, but what am I?
Wow, and you seemed old to me then. Glad to see that you've grown up some, are still married, and back in school. I'm still getting over that "intellectual" comment, but maybe I'll learn to let go when I get to your age.
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