Fatherhood

The other night, Friday to be exact, I was holding Willow in lap while watching a movie and I had the distinct feeling, more of a knowledge and less of a thought, that I was holding a minature version of myself. There's no way to ever get that feeling unless you actually are holding a minature version of yourself. It's profound on an existential level. I feel a little scared because I have burdened her with with a sense of "meness" and we all know what a challenge that can be. I am also excited because I get to watch "Me" and see what "I" do. Of course, she's also Angela and has both of our familal history to draw from, but she is my daughter and the apple never falls far from the tree, as they say. So far this has been the greatest experience of fatherhood; from the first time I looked in her face in the nursery and saw myself to this deeper level of that feeling the other night. It also cuts through the sense of alienation I always feel, a sense of isolation that even marriage couldn't penetrate.